my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
