i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
