I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
