she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dick very happy bro
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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