I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize