I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
