how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
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I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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