We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize