i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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