a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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