He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
