Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
