My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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