Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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