i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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