turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
