he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
