My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
