my phone needs a breathalizer
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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