so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
