I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
