I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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