4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
