Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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