True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
