I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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