Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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