I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
