didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
