dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
