it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
