At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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