the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
