That's intense
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
