ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
