Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
