is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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