Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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