Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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