Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
