I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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