what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
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All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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