I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
