nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
