I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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