Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
