you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
