glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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