you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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