It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
