you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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