They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
