guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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