i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
