I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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