god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
