I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
