i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
