I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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