i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
