Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
