That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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