I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
