i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
