miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
