Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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