We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
