when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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