I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
