u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
