hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
