i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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