this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
