Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
