barbara walters just said penis...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
