We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
